16 January 2006

In My Day...

Whether this contest was sponsored by the Post or not is irrelevant. The "answers" are hilarious...
The Washington Post had a contest wherein participants were
asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they
had it "in the old days." Winners, runners-up, and honorable
mentions are listed below.

Second Runner-Up:

In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot.
In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for

First Runner-Up:

In my day, we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of
that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled
roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them
to play right you'd weigh the needle down with something
like quarters, which we never had because our allowances
were way too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and
end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm
so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really
matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if
you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real
pebbles on them, not like today.

And the winner:

In my day, we didn't have rocks. We had to go down to the
creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:

In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants.
Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts,
along with potatoes.

In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to
do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some
fingers amputated.

In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-
off voice saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the
doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped
along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was
a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a

In my day, we didn't have water. We had to smash together
our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day,
the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched
on the back of a giant tortoise.

Back in my day, '60 Minutes' wasn't just a bunch of gray-
haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-
haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.

Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to
watch television by candlelight.



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